Reply to Estranged parents and adult children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is why most therapists are toxic, OP. Truly. I hear of so many stories like this. In the past, these young adults would be told by friends and relatives to snap out of it, and not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Nowadays, their therapists and friends egg them on without any regard for perspective or proportional response.

In my 20s, I deeply resented my mother, for having smothered me as a child and forced me into seclusion (she guilted me into it because she is handicapped and did not want to be alone in the house). But despite a legitimate grievance, I got over it, and I understand that her chronic disability affected her social life and pushed her into a very controlling and unhealthy sort of parenting. She loves me very much, and I forgive her.

There's nothing you can do except wait for her to come to her sense. I'm sorry you're going through this.[/quote]

OP here. Very interesting.  I also went through a difficult period with my mother, when I was in my 20s.  As a child and teenager she parentified me, confided in me like I was her friend Vs daughter, and tried to turn me against my dad.  In my 20s I started taking more control and shutting this type of talk down and not responding.  Although our relationship wasn't always easy, I love her, she tried her best, and at the end if the day I know she lived me.  I never cut her off. But when I would tell my adult daughter things my mother used to do (what I just described) my daughter told me she doesn't understand how I couldn't cut my mother off completely.  My young adult daughter is very black and white and I think this is also part of the issue.  She had very low tolerances when it comes to family relationships.  She is also type A and likes order and predictable life.  Not to the point of excessively. But I do see it.  [/quote]

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