Reply to Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child

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Reply to "Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As an adoptee, I understand why it’s so annoying to always have that adjective mentioned. And I agree with you that there’s something very “othering” in the way some people speak about adoptees, particularly in the way they almost pathologically mention the adoption when mentioning the child. It gives the impression that the child doesn’t fully belong in their adoptive family, which is terribly cruel to the child.

But, it’s also true that we adoptees have two families: our first families and our adoptive families. And we belong - albeit in different ways - to both. So, yes, your adopted child is your child and not just your adopted child. They are also a child of their first family. It took me decades of therapy to find a way to have an integrated identity because my adoptive parents insisted I was “only” theirs, which your comments seem to suggest as well. Just watch for that with your adopted child. It can be very damaging too. [/quote]

I don't see it like you do.  My child doesn't have a first family and second family.  My child has one family who joined together to give the child the best possible life.  We all consider ourselves family and  just like families join for marriage, they join for adoption.  Grandparents are grandparents, aunts/uncles are aunts/uncles, no different in our home.

You don't know how each family who adopts treats the situation but for us, there is no first family.  We took our child home from the hospital and we are the only family this child has had.[/quote]

Oh Jesus. No. Sorry. You don’t get to decide that. Your kid does, and will probably make more than one decision about how they feel about that over the course of their life.

-PP with adopted brother who now has a biological family too, including other siblings from his first family [/quote]

As  a parent, yes, I decided it and our child knows  no different.  You don't get to decide how someone else feels or handles things.  My child knows we are all family.  His grandparents treat us like their children and we treat them like inlaws.   There is no first family or second family.   Why are you threatened by it?

Stop calling yoru brother the adopted brother.  You  clearly don't see him as an equal.  No wonder he went back to his birth family.[/quote]

Adoptive mom here. I agreed with the OP AND with the PP who mentioned the first family. I’m sorry but you (adoptive) parent do not get to decide if your child wants to erase all mention of their first family, which  DOES exist in some form no matter what you want to be the truth. Unsure how old your kid is but I promise this sort of denial Can often  lead to huge problems down the road. Maybe your kid will decide he-she wants no contact but you should leave the door open. Your kid is of that family and to dismiss them is to dismiss  your kid … didnt a social worker go over this with you before you adopted? Is kind of adoption 101

Clearly you want to protect your child I think the adoptee who spoke up had some wise advice [/quote]

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