Reply to Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child

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Reply to "Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As an adoptee, I understand why it’s so annoying to always have that adjective mentioned. And I agree with you that there’s something very “othering” in the way some people speak about adoptees, particularly in the way they almost pathologically mention the adoption when mentioning the child. It gives the impression that the child doesn’t fully belong in their adoptive family, which is terribly cruel to the child.

But, it’s also true that we adoptees have two families: our first families and our adoptive families. And we belong - albeit in different ways - to both. So, yes, your adopted child is your child and not just your adopted child. They are also a child of their first family. It took me decades of therapy to find a way to have an integrated identity because my adoptive parents insisted I was “only” theirs, which your comments seem to suggest as well. Just watch for that with your adopted child. It can be very damaging too. [/quote]

I don't see it like you do.  My child doesn't have a first family and second family.  My child has one family who joined together to give the child the best possible life.  We all consider ourselves family and  just like families join for marriage, they join for adoption.  Grandparents are grandparents, aunts/uncles are aunts/uncles, no different in our home.

You don't know how each family who adopts treats the situation but for us, there is no first family.  We took our child home from the hospital and we are the only family this child has had.[/quote]

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