Reply to “I never loved her”

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Reply to "“I never loved her”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The phrase is not automatically a red flag, depending on his deeper explanation. And you do need a deeper explanation if you and he are heading anywhere beyond just dates.

"I never loved her/him" can mean all the red flags people are listing above but it also can signal that the person has changed and his or her understanding of committed love has changed too. It might have grown in positive ways, as well. But you won't know unless you get to know him better as a person, and unless you and he can communicate frankly.

I know someone who would say he loved his first wife [i]then[/i], but at that time, he also was in many ways a different person emotionally. He loved her as he was capable of loving at that point in his life. He has grown and changed in the years since they first separated, and his second marriage is a much different, more mature relationship with a woman very different from his first wife. So it's possible for a person to grow and understand that a love at an earlier time in life was "love" as he defined it then, but not necessarily what he would define or want as a committed love now. Just something to consider. [/quote]

This makes sense. Although I’d prefer to hear him express it this way which he hasn’t, fully. I am most blown away that someone could create three children with someone they didn’t love. I suppose it’s possible to just be fulfilling others’ expectations to a large degree—he’s been very performance oriented. It’s only the last few years that he has prioritized authenticity, honest imperfection and vulnerability. Still. To express it this way with so little contextual reflection really gave me pause. I think he’s been working on removing his head from his ass but clearly has a ways to go.[/quote]

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