Reply to I was so naive re marriage, career and kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly OP you work too much.

I'm the higher earner in my household (by a hair) and neither my DH nor I work that many hours a week, except in rare circumstances - major project deadline, etc.

You need to prioritize your marriage and your self-care.

You need to have another conversation about admin stuff and lay out the explicit list of things you want him to do and say that's part of being a primary caregiver. Or hire it out (part-time nanny, etc.)[/quote]

Op: he does not want to do them because he wants to relax. He has 6-7 hours without kids both days during the weekend. And 3 hours every day of the week when he does not do childcare not chores. [b]How is that not enough! [/b][/quote]

PP here -- some people (men and women!) don't have the endurance for the slog of baby/toddler care day-to-day. I'm one of those people too. My kid is a dream, a unicorn, whatever you want to call them, but I'm constantly in need of a break; it's like I was born with low capacity for kid care. And I'm the mom!

The DCUM solution, in my experience, is really the most effective one - "outsource" what you can afford to.

I would lose the framing of "primary caregiver" and think of it more like 60-40. You both should have free time and hobbies.[/quote]

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