Reply to Nesting- does it work long term?

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[quote=Anonymous]	You do realize that once you are divorced, you and your ex can live wherever they’d like, i.e. it doesn’t have to be within walking distance to your current home. You all may not be able to leave the state or the county, but walking distance.. nobody will enforce that if your ex or you decide that isn’t where you want to live.

Remember too, that if you can walk home, your kids can also walk to come see you. Do you want that?  If you do, what good is having a custody plan?

If you are with a new romantic partner, do you really want your kids showing up because they miss you, or are mad at the other parent?

Be aware that if you and your ex still own the family home, you both can come and go whenever you’d like.  Any agreement you make is not enforceable.  You can keep the ex out of *your* place, but not out of joint rental or owned property.  If you forget a library book, you can come get it whenever you’d like.  If your ex forgets his coat, he can come get it whenever he’d like.

Both of you can have anybody you’d like over at the family home, and you can engage in any behavior you’d like.

Your agreements mean absolutely nothing.

You and your ex may think you can get along just fine, I’ve never seen a divorce work that way, someone gets mad because their ex found a girlfriend.  Someone gets mad because the ex that couldn’t get off the couch when married now is going all over the place to activities you had begged him to do with you as a couple. One of you asks to back date the date of separation because they want to remarry.

I haven’t even touched on physically maintaining the family home, who pays for what?  How do you decide between the cheap dishwasher and the more expensive dishwasher? What about furniture? Sleeping arrangements, do you really want to sleep in the bedroom and maybe even the bed you shared with your ex?  Do you want to sleep in that bed knowing that your ex is now in  sexual relationship with someone else.. even if sex never happens in that bed and he swears he changed the sheets before it was your turn to be there?

Poly people will tell you anything works. You could say “I’d like to grow Martian horns on my head” and they’ll tell you they know five people who have  and it works beautifully.  You’ll never meet these people, none of them will have names, you won’t be able to get in touch with them, if you ask if they’d like to talk, the poly folks will say that one is in the hospital (but not because of the Martian horns), one “isn’t on social media”, one is very shy, and you know, they just haven’t heard from the others in awhile, they had their phone numbers at one point, but they have a new phone now and that number got erased somehow. Trust them though, those horns do work.

I’d suggest op that you and your spouse work on the marriage. Seriously. If you like each other where nesting sounds good, put that energy into becoming happily married. More sex, more dates, more physical touch, more basic care for each other’s comfort. 
          
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