Reply to DS Wants to Transfer, DH Pushing Back

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[quote=Anonymous]Tufts has a very pre-professional vibe too. So do many top schools - the kids who are accepted are competitive and gunning for the next brass ring.

The problem for your son is that he hasn't found his people. He may not know who his people are! But changing schools doesn't guarantee he'll find them either.

I went to Penn and became miserable and homesick around this time my freshman year. After visiting a sibling at a small (and much less competitive school) I was done -I wanted one of those places where 'everybody knows your name' and where it didn't feel so cutthroat and lonely. By the time I got my act together it was too late to transfer for sophomore year but I was planning to go abroad second semester and then leave. Instead when I came back in the fall, I took a chance on joining an activity and everything changed for me. I found my people and loved every minute of the next three years.

That may not be your kid, but it's a pretty common story. My parents were great - they didn't hover or push me one way or the other, they did get me to a therapist to talk about being lonely as well as to a college counselor to consider my transfer options.

The one piece of advice for you is to try to push your kid from tunnel vision around Tufts. It's one thing to dislike your circumstances, but it's problematic to assume that there's one magic school out there that will make you happy. He could get to Tufts and realize no one goes skiing on weekends because they're all studying or hanging out locally. He could have trouble making friends because kids have already formed their packs. He might go through all this change only to realize it wasn't the school that was the problem.

If it were my kid I'd really push him to figure out what would make him happier and to consider a range of different possibilities (including a range of potential transfer schools) to solve that problem. Because I guarantee that he won't find much difference between Emory and Tufts except for the weather.[/quote]

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