Reply to DS Wants to Transfer, DH Pushing Back

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DS loved the vibe at Tufts (he is into the humanities), likes Boston, winter sports. It would have been his first choice had his dad not pushed him toward Emory (his alma mater). DS says he is miserable there (hates Atlanta, feels like the vibe is really pre-professional — his roommate is gunning for the business school which adds to the perception, he misses being about to hit the slopes in a couple of hours).

When he said he wanted to apply to Tufts as a transfer student DH gave the whole spiel of him not giving Emory a true chance, stick it out a couple of years then transfer if still unhappy, it’s just your roommate, expand your horizons and try new sports, etc.)

What he is saying isn’t necessarily wrong, but I do feel like DS knows himself well enough where if he really wants to try to transfer, he should do it.

My DH is giving me the “you’re not showing a united front” speech and thinks I should encourage DS to give it more of a chance and he will grow to like it. He also likes to point out we are full pay so he feels he has the right to push where he wants DS to go.

I’m getting pulled in both directions. I know no one can help me here, I am just venting and maybe posting to see if anyone else dealt with this. And of course I know if he does apply to Tufts he may not get in, but I do think with his stats he would have a real chance.[/quote]

That sounds like a really difficult situation, but that you're navigating it about as well as anyone could. One thing you might point out to DH is that if DS continues to be unhappy at Emory he's likely to later feel some not insignificant resentment toward any inflexibility that kept him there. Also, the longer DS waits to transfer, the less time he will have to establish a social life at Tufts, which might make the experience there less than it could have been. And IMO the 'united front' and 'I'm paying' arguments are selfish and foolish, but my experience is that it would be difficult to get someone who makes these types of arguments to see the folly of their ways.

FYI, according to Tufts' most recent Common Data Set, the most recent year's data says they received 1063 transfer applications and accepted 298. Some schools take almost no transfers, so that's very good odds if DS does end up applying. If he was admitted the first time around, too, then I would think that would help.[/quote]

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