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[quote=Anonymous]I think I would keep the comparisons out of it. Things are going well with your parents and visits, and everyone seems happy with the status quo. I don't think there's any need to bring that up - it ends up sounding like "well MY parents are a DELIGHT! What's wrong with YOUR parents?" which is not a productive path.

I would just stick to the issues with traveling to see his parents. I would center it around the next trip, and go something like this:

"I've been thinking about our annual beach trip with your parents, and I realized it's become a stressor for me. I think it's because we're expected to be "on" a lot of the time - they don't like it if we do our own thing, or read a book or anything. I enjoy talking to your parents, but I also need some downtime, and it feels like the expect us to chat with them all day every day. Have you noticed the same thing?"

See what he says. Assuming he agrees with your interpretation, and he also would like some downtime, then you can brainstorm, together, how best to adjust the trip to better suit your needs. There are TONS of options here, so I wouldn't go in with an agenda, but see what sounds appealing. You could shorten the trip, you could stay in your own house, you could specifically plan some stuff to do alone or a routine thing you're going to opt out of, you could decide privately that you're each going to take an hour to yourself each day and come up with a code phrase for it, etc, etc.

I would say that considering his family's preferences is a kindness. If they would understand staying elsewhere, but would be offended by you skipping mini-golf, then staying elsewhere makes more sense, or vis versa. But if every single option would hurt or upset them, if it's their way or the highway, then it's totally reasonable to stand your ground and say that that status quo hurts YOU and you're not willing to do it anymore and to expect your husband to have your back on that. But it's going to be important to hash this all out and decide on a plan, and how to respond to the parents, in advance. [/quote]

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