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[quote=Anonymous]So I know this is a husband problem, not an IL problem. Seeking productive advice on how to address this with DH.

When my ILs visit, or when we go visit them, they expect us to be with them the whole time. As in sitting in the same room, talking. They think it's rude if you read a book or check your email or do anything to distract from sitting and chatting. If there's an activity, everyone is expected to participate. So there's no such thing as everyone goes on a hike, but I stay home to get going on dinner and fold laundry. It's All Together, All the Time.

When my parents visit, or when we go visit them, they don't expect my husband or me (or the kids, for that matter) to be around them 24/7, and they also don't bat an eye if we read a book or a magazine, play a video game, or take a phone call when they're around. If some people want to go on a walk, and some people would rather nap or watch a football game, it's Whatever You Want, No Expectations.

I understand that different people operate in different ways, and that's fine. What bugs me is that DH--who enjoys all the flexibility when we're with my parents, to the extent that he won't even come upstairs to greet them when he's working in his basement office and they arrive after an 8-hour car trip--somehow does expect me to dance to my ILs' tune when they visit. So DH relishes the freedom and ease when my parents are around, but doesn't extend me that same freedom, ease and grace with his parents: if anything, he expects me to be a human shield to absorb a lot of their expectations, need for attention, constant need for engagement, etc. He's even said out loud how great it is when my parents visit, because he can get so much done and the kids are having a great time with grandparents.

How do I bring this up with him in a productive way? What's fair?[/quote]

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