Reply to Dealing with my mom after my dad died

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom is like your mom. I no longer set verbal boundaries. I simply don't tolerate bashing dad. I change the subject. I leave the room. I get off the phone.

My mom also does the "you're so delicate/sensitive" and she makes herself out to be so strong. I bought this narrative for many years, but in therapy have realized just how emotionally disturbed mom is and how much she struggled to manage anger and depression. I have learned to detach and no longer tolerate her confiding in me.When she insults me I change the subject or get away. I also see her less. When she tries to use me as her therapist, if I suggest she see a therapist or talk to a friend she rages so i just make an excuse to exit stage left. I will not enable her to remain emotionally unhealthy. She is capable of getting help and trying meds too. She did try meds and did better many times but every time she goes off it because she insists "I am not crazy." She is mentally ill and I will not enable her to remain ill.

I would rethink having her live with you for5 6 months a year. Why? Does she need care? Can she not afford the right set up? If there is money to throw at it and you can throw the money. If there is an inheritance you hope for, forego and let her spend it on care. You need to ideally find the right boundaries where you can stand to be involved with her and not burn out.[/quote]

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