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[quote=Anonymous]My dad recently died. He had a terminal illness in which his quality of life deteriorated significantly in his last six months so it was a difficult end. He had money but refused to hire help, I found a relatively nice nursing home a couple of miles from my house and encouraged him to move so the children and I could visit him regularly and I could be more involved with his care. He didn't want to do that because Medicare wouldn't pay for that. He needed and wanted me to be close by so I took time off from work and get back and forth to help out as much as I could. My siblings did the same.

He passed away three weeks ago. I'm now sorting his estate out. There were several things he told us that weren't true about his financial affairs and he left a messy business  behind that my siblings and I have to sort out.

My parents got divorced 40 years ago. My dad did not treat my mom well, everyone knows that. My siblings and I recognize that.

My mom lives with me about 6 months out of the year. Emotionally, it's very difficult. She goes on and on about all the things he did that weren't fair, how it lied to her, how an attorney told her she could have financially ruin him but that she didn't do that because it would hurt her children, how my dad refused to pay for an expensive maternity dress she wanted for a formal function but then turned around and bought his mistress expensive jewelry. We've heard this stories in the past. All is this is very wrong. My siblings and I recognize that, we've been empathetic through the years, and we have financially supported my mom tremendously since we started working. We pay her pay, we pay for her vacations, she was able to stop working at 62, one of my siblings recently bought her a car, another sibling took her a nice family vacation. We have not abandoned my mom. We have also explained to her that we are not responsible for all the things that went wrong in her marriage.

Last week, I told her I was dealing with a lot trying to sort out my dad's estate while still doing my job, taking care of my children and that if she could please just back off a bit about the past because it is emotionally draining and that I have very little fuel left. Her response, "younger women now are so delicate. If you had to go through half of what I went through, you would have killed yourself."  She then tells my husband that she is worried I'm going to "crack up."  She is on the phone loudly talking to her friends about how she is grieving but that she feels free because she has forgiven my dad.

I'm at a loss about how to deal with this situation.  I can't constantly listen to what happened in the past. [/quote]

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