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[quote=Anonymous]The thing is, if you divorced your DH over this, it wouldn't be over your ILs but because of how your DH is or isn't handling that.  It can be a big deal.  I have some pretty horrendous ILs (really, I have some unbelievable stories).  It is very difficult at time.  However, DH deals with it in an adequate way.  That didn't happen overnight.  We were together for a few years before getting married and if he hadn't have stepped up, I would not have married him.  Of course he doesn't always handle it as I would, but the big picture is that he gets it, he communicates with them like he needs to (setting limits).  It's been hard sometimes and has caused conflict but in the long run, we're all better for it.  I never thought my in-laws would change at all but over the last almost 15 years, they have changed for the better a little bit.

Anyway, one of the things we did was some counseling.  Part of the problem initially was that DH knew his parents were "something" but didn't quite realize how it affected him or us.  It really helped us to set limits.  DH had to be open to it, but it pretty much forced a bit of instrospection.  Remember, if it's what DH grew up with, to some extent he's going to think it's "normal".  My DH coped with a lot of stuff by just tuning it out.  That's what he would have kept doing if not for me.  It would have been a big powder keg when kids came along because there are things I refuse to tune out when my kids are in the picture.  By the way, counseling also helped me to realize I couldn't change them, that I needed to be more tolerant, and to understand where my ILs were coming from.

So my advice is, get counseling.  Talk about this.  If your DH is not willing to do that, that would be a big problem.[/quote]

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