Reply to Should I Talk to My Family About Conflict With My Brother?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Should I Talk to My Family About Conflict With My Brother?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was kinda with you until this paragraph:

It really bothers me that my family thinks that this is a me problem. I really want them to understand that I've done everything I could. That my only choice is to accept his false narrative that I'm a condescending, bumbling, exhausting, overly sensitive person who always plays the victim, is always wrong, and has ruined the relationship, or to go no contact. I know I'm not perfect and I'm 100% willing to accept my faults and try to improve based on feedback - I've often taken the first step, but he never reciprocates.

Why are your only choices to play a victim or go no contact?  THat's ludicrous.  Why not just be who you are?  you don't have to talk everything to death, or "make someone else understand" anything.  Just be.

Why do you have disagreements?  What are you disagreeing about?

Him: Please pass the potato salad?
You: you know you need to accept my right not to pass the potato salad

As a healthy functioning adult, you have your life.  Live it.  Interact with your brother when you are together with family,  keep it light and cordial, and that's it.  Anything else is you bringing drama to the situation.  [/quote]

OP here. He will say things like:

"So, how's work? Your business still afloat? (surprised tone). Good for you, I guess"
"Oh, you're dragging your kids across the country for vacation again? Poor kids."

Recent disagreements were
- I am a bad sister because I don't call him (I am really busy and our conversations leave me feeling sad because he's putting me down so much, so I don't call a lot). I tried to explain to him why I don't call and how I would like him not to put down my life choices. He says it's his right to have opinions and I'm too sensitive.

- I am unreasonable for asking to see my nephews more. They live 1.5 hours away, so in-person visits are only possible 2-3 times/year, and I'm an idiot for suggesting otherwise.

- A mother's place is in the home and I shouldn't be working.

- I was too cheap in holiday gifts. Historically, we always give bigger gifts than they do. I tried to tone it down this year to match what they give, and they happened to buy a big gift for my kid. I asked him not to call me cheap and go off on me for this one-time situation when I have been giving him and his kids bigger gifts for years!

He is always speaking with this tone of total superiority, like of course he's 100% right and I'm an idiot.

Ultimately, almost every time I interacted with him, I would leave feeling like total shit. It would seep into my work and relationships with my DH and kids. I was trying to set a boundary and protect my mental health. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics