Reply to Should I Talk to My Family About Conflict With My Brother?

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[quote=Anonymous]I recently stopped talking to my only sibling.

We've always had a rocky relationship (family of origin was emotionally immature, a lot of yelling and rudeness all around). 5-6 years ago, I went to therapy, worked through my past, and learned what an emotionally healthy relationship looks like. I tried to repair things with my brother and create a healthier dynamic. But there's a big problem: he's one of those people who is convinced he's always right. So, whenever any disagreement comes up (which is inevitable with siblings, and especially with us because we have very different values and beliefs), he refuses to see my perspective as valid. So it's his way or nothing.

I explained to him that for a relationship to function, people have to understand each other's perspectives and compromise. His response? "I can't help it that you're so often wrong."
I kept trying to reason with him, but he would just go on the attack explaining how wrong I am and why, and saying some really hurtful things in the process.

So, I said it's better for us not to talk but I'm always here for him if he is ever ready to drop the "I'm right/you're wrong" dynamic.

I mentioned this to my parents and grandparents, and this broke their hearts. They are very emotional people, in their culture family is the #1 thing, and they encouraged me to make up with my brother (and said the same to him). In their minds, we're both equally at fault and we need to make this work.

I tried again to talk things through with my brother. It was a painful conversation and again ended up exactly where we started.

He asked me not to bring our parents into our issues. My mom also mentioned that it's all very painful to her and asked me not to talk to her about it.

It really bothers me that my family thinks that this is a me problem. I really want them to understand that I've done everything I could. That my only choice is to accept his false narrative that I'm a condescending, bumbling, exhausting, overly sensitive person who always plays the victim, is always wrong, and has ruined the relationship, or to go no contact. I know I'm not perfect and I'm 100% willing to accept my faults and try to improve based on feedback - I've often taken the first step, but he never reciprocates.

My parents and grandparents live close by and I talk to them and see them all the time, so this isn't a matter of getting through a once-a-year holiday dinner. They're also in regular contact with my brother. I don't want to stop talking to my whole family.

This is all so painful for me and is really affecting my work and my relationship with my husband/kids. I would be grateful for some unbiased perspectives for how to handle this. 
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