Reply to PSA: Visualize your future and proceed accordingly

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would add to this, OP, to look at your future spouse’s family of origin for clues about how your life will go.  Is MIL doing all the work?  Does FIL help clean up when you visit?  What is the history of that family?

DH helps with chores and housework because that’s what his father did.  MIL was managing bipolar and mostly ok but there were periods when FIL was completely in charge of holding the family together.  I didn’t realize how important this was but it is.[/quote]

Eh, not always. A lot of this has to do with general cultural expectations evolving as working outside the home became the norm for women. My MIL would’ve sooner died than see her husband pitch in with housework. She would have been ashamed. But my husband is very helpful around the house, because times have changed and he’s not an a**hole.[/quote]

No.  You just got lucky.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

But so did OP. She seems to want all the credit for making such a superior choice. Huge eye roll.[/quote]

Yeah OP is definitely humble bragging and there is definitely truth to the Arab proverb that marriage is like a watermelon, you don’t know what’s inside until it’s time to eat!

There are definitely things you can focus on that will probably help you make a better decision, but of the divorced people I know the “red flags” were not that obvious.  Deciding to marry someone is basically crazy, you are deciding you can commit to someone forever no matter what happens based on one specific moment in time.  There are ways to avoid making a very very stupid choice but is it so easy to find a good spouse?  No.  So many women on this board lived with their spouses before marriage and when the big realities of life came along- house, mortgage, children, the men don’t measure up, they are somehow not as helpful as when they were in an apartment and had fewer responsibilities.[/quote]

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