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[quote=Anonymous]I have lived through this as my mother spent 7 years in assisted living in a long, slow decline until she passed away last summer.  Frankly, her passing was a relief in so many ways as I was beginning to feel that I could just not go on any longer (and neither could she).  (I had the power of atty etc. and handled her affairs.)  In the last year of her life she was hospitalized seven times and had such severe dementia that she no longer recognized extended family, and had no idea where she lived.  She was extremely physically compromised as well - had absolutely no quality of life left.

My kids are in middle and elementary school and DH and I both work full-time and I was in and out of therapy and experienced on and off depression during those years.  It was physically and emotionally depleting.  I would not repeat it again for anything.

The one enormous plus of the whole situation was that my mother had prepared for her retirement and decline, financially and otherwise - she had plenty of financial resources and executed a will, power of attorney, healthcare proxy, etc. ahead of time, all of which made it much easier than it otherwise might have been.  Still, it was very very hard.

DH's parents are still alive and at 85yo are declining - they are basically propping each other up.  It is just a matter of time before a crisis forces some kind of a decision about where and how they will live, and in the meantime no one in the family is taking a proactive approach or planning in any way.  From where I sit it is a train wreck waiting to happen - but I cannot tell them what to do.

My advice:

*Have all paperwork in place so that you can step in to take over as needed.
*Make sure you know what the financial situation is.
*Think ahead of time about the next step vis-a-vis a living situation/support.
*Develop a relationship with your parents' doctor.
*Consider engaging a social worker who can advise you on options.

I like the book, [u]When the Time Comes[/u] by Paula Span.  It is very helpful.  I also like the New Old Age blog at the NYTimes.com website.

Good luck.[/quote]

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