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[quote=Anonymous]My father in law is a difficult man. He is recently retired, he has no friends, and since my MIL passed away, really speaks to no one except for my husband and his sister.  I need help dealing with him as he plans on visiting us for several days late winter.  I have a son and a daughter, and he really sees my son as his grandchild and pretty much disdains my independent daughter. He has had this expectation that his grandchildren will feel the same immediate bond you feel with your children, but the reality is that he never visits us and didn’t pay much attention to my children until my mother in law died. During Covid he was lonely of course and begged us to stay with him for an extended time. Knowing how hard it is for seniors who are alone, my husband and I stayed with him for an extended visit. This was a very difficult time for me as my father in law expected me to act as a de facto maid for him, cooking all the meals, doing all the childcare and cleaning his house. He did not have the same expectation of my husband. My kids were in summer camp most of the time, but whenever they were in the house he would nitpick my daughter to death. He would accuse her (who is 6) of breaking things around the house, making a mess, and generally just clearly disliked her.    She is not a snuggly person, and didn’t want him hugging her (which I totally accept and frankly agree). She also loves to sing and do art, and this really bothered my father in law for some reason. We left on good terms, but it was clear my daughter hated him and the feeling was somewhat mutual.  Now he wants to stay with us for an extended visit and I honestly feel so sad that he is coming. I feel sad for him because I know he must be so lonely. I feel sad for my daughter because he is so unkind to her. And I also feel sorry for myself because he acts like an entitled teenager during the whole time. My DH asked him to shorten his visit, but otherwise tries not to discuss my fil’s shortcomings. He gets along fine with my son who shares some of his interests, but cannot stop criticizing my now 7 year old daughter. I really don’t want to have any hard feelings, but I do think he needs to treat her better, or at a minimum needs to just ignore her. I am dreading having to watch my kids like a hawk to ensure my father in law and my kids stay on their best behavior. I asked my sister in law for help, and she thinks that my father in law (who is openly sexist) thinks that his grandsons are his “heirs” while his granddaughters aren’t that special. Any idea how I can keep the peace?  The visit is only 2 weeks and the kids will be in school for one week. [/quote]

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