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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do have periods where I’m absolutely consumed with rage over it and take steps towards divorce. Then the rage sometimes will pass for a period (days/weeks/months even) and I just try not to think about it and zone out listening to a podcast while I clean.

The reality is I have tried all the solutions offered by this site:

1. Hire someone to do it! (We can’t afford a daily housekeeper and biweekly cleaners don’t solve the problem of dishes/laundry/trash/sweeping)

2. Lower your standards! (DH grew up in a hoarding household and has zero problem with filth, so there will never reach a point at which he will see the messes)

3. Talk to him about it!/therapy (we’ve done that. They have you make a chore chart. Even when I have literally just told DH to choose only 1-2 things he can handle, he still doesn’t do them consistently or effectively. He says he will, he might for a day or a week. He always reverts back).

4. Divorce (I’ve got young kids. I don’t want them living in filth)

5. Time machine (every thread finds a way to blame the DH’s bad behavior on the wife-like IF ONLY you had made better choices then none of this would have happened. Except-none of it matters when you’re a decade into it and have kids together).

My current project is trying to find DH the highest paying job possible. He must have some kind of diagnosis but there’s nothing official (ADHD/autism/depression/low energy), but he manages to hold down a job. My thinking is if he gets a more demanding, high earning job then that money can be used to hire more help/outsourcing.

It’s a very difficult problem with almost no solution.

I’ve heard some have success with eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now for this kind of thing. [/quote]

I'm totally with you and I've put up with it for 25 years. How? It used to be in unhealthy ways - spending $$ on myself, cheating. Now I just accept what I can and for the rest, I do the minimum and wait for my cleaners' next visit. It is really, really difficult.[/quote]

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