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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been with my wife for a decade, and in that time I’m watched my wife take some pretty rotten treatment from her mom. I’m also a woman, fwiw, just thought I should mention it, even though I don’t think it matters in this situation. It was a dynamic I didn’t understand at first, and hated watching. My MIL would do something, they’d fight and not speak for a while, then make up and continue the cycle. I’d point things out to my wife and she would get defensive. But over the years, she came to terms with the fact that her mother has been abusive.

Nearly two years ago, MIL shared a FB memory from our wedding. DW has a family member who lives to troll FB and start trouble, so it wasn’t surprising when he came to the post and commented with some really gross anti-gay stuff. What did bother both DW and me was how MIL blatantly ignored the comments, and when called to task about it, she said she didn’t want to upset the apple cart. When explained that her silence was complacency, she again said she didn’t want to upset the family, so DW cut her off completely.

They have since recently reconnected. Apparently MIL has apologized and they’re back like nothing ever happened. I, on the other hand, can only see this ugly woman who would rather appease the family than stand up for her DD. It’s gross. MIL was over recently for dinner, and I’m telling you, I just can’t find it in my heart to be nice. I’m not mean, but I’m definitely colder than I ever was. I did catch myself even side-eying her a couple times, wanting to shake my head. This last visit upset MIL who cried to DW, and DW came to me angry that I can’t just put on a happy face. I just cant. When I look at her, all I see is ugliness. I don’t know how my wife sees anything else. I do realize that there are times I will have to interact with this woman for the sake of my wife, about once a month, if I had to give it a number. How do I put my feelings aside and do this when I’m so disgusted? [/quote]

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