Reply to Spouses from functional families vs dysfunctional families

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[quote=Anonymous]Depends. DH and I are both from dysfunctional families. We do sometimes joke that it would be nice if at least one of us had a functional family to create a support system, only we’re not really kidding because wow it would be nice.

But I do think there is a benefit to us both understanding and commiserating with one another’s family situation. We never judge or resent the other so there’s a lot of acceptance in our marriage, which helps.

But the PP is right that you need a lot of self-awareness for this to work. The main thing I’d be wary of is if your SO’s family is dysfunctional but they are very defensive/protective of it and can’t willingly identify the dysfunction. This will basically make it impossible to address the ways the dysfunction impacts either of you. The reason my DH and I work is because we both see what is going on in our FoO, and know we don’t want to repeat those patterns in our own family. And that’s a conversation that started when we started dating, basically the first time we had a conflict. I asked him how his parents might have resolved an argument like that snd he got very serious and said “No, I don’t want to do this the way they would.” And we’ve been on our own path ever since.[/quote]

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