Reply to I got POA of mother because brothers are Aholes!

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "I got POA of mother because brothers are Aholes!"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 80 yr old mother suffered a stroke and needed to be moved into an AL. I researched and toured facilities for the 3 weeks she was in hospital and rehab. Meanwhile my two brothers wanted to place her in a disgusting facility down the street from their homes. $2000 a month, shared rooms and bathrooms. My moms estate is over 2 million, also has monthly income of about 9k.  I found her a beautiful AL apt overlooking the bay 15mts from my brothers.  My mom fell again in her AL apt,  back in hospital/rehab. I was at a loss of how to keep her safe and even looked into nursing homes but her being of sound mind I just couldn’t. She cried and wanted to go back to her AL apt because she had already made so many new friends. I told her she would need private caregivers with her there to prevent the falls that would eventually lead to her death.  I had attorney meet us at her rehab to execute my POA per her wishes because my brothers were having “strokes” over the extra monthly costs now totaling 13k.  They both work in the family business my parents started and have access to all her bank accounts and assets. I don’t so I have to send the invoices to them to pay and it never fails I start getting snarky messages from them in group text.  “At this rate her money isn’t going to last long!”  They also send my mom texts that I’m overspending  on her cc insinuating that I’m buying things for myself which stresses my mom out. I use her cc for her monthly necessities. Fyi I’m married to a multi millionaire and use my money to buy her groceries and frivolous girly things like clothes, perfumes, jewelry just  to make her happy. I’m so sick of having to go thru them to pay her expenses I’m going to add my name on her accts and deny them access.  I know this is going to create a shitshow but what other options do I have? [/quote]

When a parent gets to this point emotions are high and sibling dynamics explode. It sounds like you are accusing your brother/s of not wanting to spend money on your mother so they will have more to inherit and they are questioning the credit card bills you are submitting. You admit you do not know how much money your mother has. You have to stop this.

Money has to be talked about in the open and without accusing people of stealing. It is better to take a team approach. Everyone doing what they can. An important point is everyone should be able to ask why you spent x amount of money and on what without you getting your nose bent out of shape. Specially if you are submitting the bills for reimbursement

Take a step back and get your emotions under control. The first thing you do is set up a family meeting where everyone can see how much liquid assets your mother has. She most likely does not have a lot of money. This would mean the family has to step up or liquefy her assets to cover her cost. Next the family has to make a decision about can she live in her own.

You need to communicate more clearly and openly. Did you talk to anyone in the family before you got the POA? Did you discuss or give a heads up about the 13k you spent? Your mother may want to stay where she is but it does not sound like the right option. Now is the time to move her to a nursing home with assisted or skilled care. You do this now because many places have a long wait time for assisted or skilled cared. Many places require to new resident to be independent.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics