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[quote=Anonymous]I flew cross-country in the middle of a pandemic thinking my mother was on death's door. She (thankfully) survived and is at the end of acute rehab and going home tomorrow. My aunt lives nearby and is in end-stage cancer. I didn't know how end-stage it was until I got here (she sounds better on the phone then she actually is). So I've been bouncing for the past two weeks between rehab and my aunt's home. The first thing my mother says when I get here is "oh good, now your sister can continue to work". Um, I had to close my business to come here on an open-ended timeframe.

My mother and father are still under the delusion they can live alone, far from family, because she's afraid to change. The social workers are all "oh, your mother is afraid"... in other words...feeeeeellinnnnngs. Me: "My father had a stroke years ago and needs some caretaking himself. They are out of money. They can feel any way they want but they can't afford this anymore. They have to sell the house". Social worker: Bunch of caring words but no practical solutions. Me: "I understand she's scared. That does not change the reality of being out of money and not being able to afford living alone anymore. It's not safe. My sister cannot do to the heavy lifting required to take care of two frail people, one heavy-set".  Social worker: "But they don't waaanttt toooo leaaaaveeeee".  Me: "Can you or the state provide them with full-time care that they can't afford to pay for?"  Social worker: "But they have family". Me: "Family who can't physically do the work and financially can't afford to pay someone out of pocket for that full-time care". Social worker: "Silence".

On top of that, I overheard the home hospice manager telling the NP that I am the freaking primary caregiver for my aunt. I followed her out and said that simply wasn't true, that I am from out of state, and that I can only stay a week more at most, and that I came to help with my mother. I laid it all out that I am not certified to do hospice work, that they are to provide the full benefits she's entitled to. They had no qualms dumping this all on me.

I told my sister today that if our parents remain delusional, I plan to get back on a plane and never come back. There are many solutions here and my parents refuse to entertain ANY of them, or pretend to, then change their mind. My mother and father can pass the cognitive tests but are physically dependent and my mother's emotional maturity is now that of a child most times.  That is never taken into consideration by any 'well-meaning' social worker, doctor, elder-care lawyer, etc.

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