Reply to If I Divorce My Husband, I Will Be All Alone

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[quote=Anonymous]I am in my late 50s and have been married nearly thirty years.  It has been bad for nearly fifteen years.  He had an emotional affair ten years ago (it could have been more, but that kind of pales in comparison to other behaviors) and skipped our daughter kindergarten graduation to visit the "skank whore" in another state (he told me he was on a work trip).  Our children are unaware of what happened.  I stayed then because we had young children.  Since then, he criticizes me on nearly daily basis, tells me that I am irrational or stupid and unable to hold a job which is patently untrue so I don't even know how he came up with that), and yells loudly at me for thirty or more minutes at a time probably five or more times a week.  He has called me fat, stupid, and a "dumb c----."  It escalates each year.  Sometimes, I argue back and point out that what he is saying is not true or ask him why he needs to yell everything rather than talking calmly.  I have gradually come to realize that this is pointless and just sets him off even more.  The kids are in their late teens/early 20s now.  He does most of the truly horrible stuff when they are not around, although they have seen probably ten percent of the nastiness.  If I divorce him, I suspect they will blame me at least in part because they have not seen the lion's share of the abuse.  I have drifted apart from many of my girlfriends.  I am finding it harder and harder to make small talk when I just want. to scream how unhappy I am.  My parents have both passed away, and I am an only child.  If I leave him, I will be alone, as in no one to hang out with, no one to drive me home from the hospital after a procedure, etc.  I know this is bad.   But I have been all alone before one or two times in my life, and that was really bad too.  I don't know which is worse.  I dread tearing apart our kids' family life.  [/quote]

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