Reply to Struggling post-divorce, as the person who initiated it with good reason

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex-spouse and I had a turbulent marriage involving abuse. We both talked about divorce often and my ex-spouse threatened me with it many times, but I was the one who one day realized I'd had enough and wanted out. I forged ahead with divorce and rarely looked back, which was relatively easy to do considering how high-conflict our separation and divorce was.

But as awful as things were much of the time, it wasn't always that way - there were so many happy times, too. That's what kept me in the relationship for 20 years after all. I can't stop thinking about those good times, and am having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I am the one who actually ended the marriage. I am scared that I made a mistake and that I will never have the good parts of a marriage again - a partner and a companion who I knew would always have my back, at least outwardly.

This of course does not even begin to touch upon the other repercussions - less access to my children, financial implications, social consequences and more.

It almost feels like the good is better, now - when I am happy, I am happier than I ever was. But when I am sad, I am so, so sad. The lows are so much lower. At least before, divorce was always sort of looming as a way out and an escape. Now I feel like I may have really f'ed this up with no way out.

Logically, I know that we got divorced for a reason, so I am not sure why I am struggling this badly. We separated 20 months ago and the divorce became final more recently - it's like it just really started to hit me after the divorce became final.

If anyone has any words of advice I could use them. Also, I did try out a couple of support groups and they have not been helpful. Mainly just people whose spouses left them, and it was hard to relate.[/quote]

Congratulations on getting out! I think you could look at this as an opportunity to create a much better life without all the abuse.  You deserve it and i am rooting for you![/quote]

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