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[quote=Anonymous][quote]

My brother and I are estranged. It’s been several years since he cut me off. Without going into too much detail, my brother repeatedly did / said unkind things, I kept my mouth shut each time over the years, and then after one especially egregious episode, got upset with him and told him how hurt I felt.no raised my voice. He responded by telling me he never wanted to speak with me again, even if I was “dying of cancer”, and that I was “seriously f*cked up and an embarrassment” to him. He subsequently blocked my number and has cut me off.

This was several years ago. I told my mom about the incident at the time and my mom immediately took my brother’s side, stating he was in his rights to cut me off because I yelled at him (see above). Aside from the fact that it hurts that she refuses to acknowledge how toxic my brother’s behavior was over the course of years - years where I shut my mouth and dealt with it - she implicitly and explicitly believes he’s the victim.

At the same time, she repeatedly brings him up, repeatedly makes references to him, talks about his “adorable” children (who I’ve never met), and in the latest episode, apparently asked my brother to select and send me a Christmas gift on her behalf, causing a gift with his name to show up at my door. For lack of a better description, that was triggering.

When I bring up how painful I find her behavior (not just the gift situation but the fact that she’s taken his side, doesn’t respect boundaries), she tells me I’m overreacting, irrational, denies that she doing or saying any of these things or that’s her intent. It’s become unbearable and if it weren’t for the fact that I’m trying to honor my children’s relationship with her, I’d stop all contact. I have fantasies of moving far, far away from her and my brother.

Not sure what I’m looking for here - maybe perspective and/or advice. Please be kind. My mom was very abusive physically and emotionally to me in my childhood and unfortunately, while it’s manifesting in different ways, it feels like this is an extension of those same behaviors.

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