Reply to How to react to disrespect that you can't ignore? How should spouse react?

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[quote=Anonymous]We're early into the teen years, so still figuring out the appropriate lines to draw.
We are not generally strict parents and our kids are basically compliant kids, so that has been fine. Usually a sharp word or a look is enough to bring a kid back into line, and we haven't really felt the need to mete out punishments. I don't think our kids have been grounded, as our m.o. is to allow the kid to stop whatever behavior is causing a problem and then move on from it. They don't misbehave often.

The 13 year old is starting to get sassy; developmentally appropriate but still not ok when it crosses a line. Today I was telling my kid something he did not want to listen to and he said "I don't have to listen to this," and he walked away. I raised my voice, told him to come back right now, and yes, he did have to listen. The kid came back and begrudgingly listened. 
DH overheard and comes into the room, puts arm around 13 yo and in a consoling voice, tells him not to be upset, that mom (me) is on his side, mom is only trying to help.

I find myself irritated with my DH more than DS. DS never would have said that to DH. I want DH to react just as he would if it had been said to him. DH always wants to be Mr. Nice Guy. I don't think anyone has to burn the house down over that remark, but I wish DH would be just as sharp as I was and tell DS that "Yes, he absolutely needs to listen to whatever I have to say."

Two questions:
1) My inclination is to let it go with DS because he did come back and listen. But does that encourage the same behavior in the future? My mom probably would have smacked me across the face if I'd said that, but she was much stricter than I want to be. However, I don't want to be so lenient that he constantly pushes the boundaries because nothing happens. Hasn't been a problem in the past, but he's older now.
2) I'm pissed that my DH backed me up so weakly. I'd rather he have stayed away than what he did do, which felt to me like "Aww, you poor boy, having to listen to your mother..." Am I being too harsh with my response?[/quote]

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