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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. It’s not that he’s late, it’s that he ignores when stuff needs to happen in our family. So he’ll be in charge of getting our older child ready for school, which entails packing lunch, getting her dressed, and getting her bag packed. He’ll start the process, then decide to check work email while she finishes breakfast. Then 20 minutes will pass, and I will discover she’s still in her pajamas, her lunch is half packed, and we don’t know where her backpack even is. So then after having spent my time getting the younger kid ready for daycare, I have to scramble to help get her ready so we can get out the door somewhere in the vicinity of in time.

With dinner, he will be in charge of dinner but get sidetracked or make the dinner complicated, and it won’t be ready until 8. We’ll that’s not a thing with small kids— they have to be in bed by then. So I’ll wind up throwing a meal for them together AND getting them ready for bed while he finishes cooking.

And it’s the same with anything kid related. He knows generally what the schedule is. He is also well aware how long it takes to get kids this age to do things. And he knows that if we deviate too far from mealtimes, bed times, or departure times, there’s a ripple effect that makes everything else harder. And yet… there he’ll be, playing a video and saying to the kids he’ll be starting a bath for them in 5 minutes, and then 30 minutes will pass.

I give reminders all the time. I try to be gentle about them and be calm. But it’s hard because often I’m trying to do something at the same time. It’s hard to stay on him about this sort of thing when I’m in a meeting, or doing our taxes, or putting together snacks for PK because it’s our week.[/quote]

Same poster as earlier that gave a long list. Here is the reality. He just cannot be in charge of dinner for the kids if you have any other way to swing this. And the kids likely just need to eat before you guys. Figure out some other less time sensitive task you can trade off to handle dinner yourself. Or hire a neighborhood teen to help from 5-7 and get the kids fed early. Or give your kids a snack dinner every night. They can eat cheese and crackers, some fruit and some veggies with hummus and call it a meal. Have a pizza night once a week or whatever. Trying to get a time blind person to cook a meal on some sort of schedule is an exercise in insanity. I’m certain my husband’s issue is hereditary. The whole family jokes about how they would go to his grandma’s house for Sunday lunch every week and grandma couldn’t manage to get the meal in the table until3 or 4 pm. They all this this is hilarious and I always think “you people are nuts. I would never have continued this particularly with young kids.”

For the morning stuff, you need to have a very calm conversation on the weekend to see if he even realizes there is a problem. I would say something like “listen, I know you have the best of intentions, but have you noticed that when you check email in the morning, it always seems to take longer than you think it will. And have you noticed that I then turn into a crazy person scrambling to get everything done that you were not able to do while you were on email? It makes me incredibly stressed and feels like I’m supposed to do it all. I hate starting my day off feeling so frustrated and I’m sure you hate seeing that frustration emanating from me.” And then I would listen. If he is a total jerk, he won’t care. If he isn’t a jerk, then he will hopefully brainstorm with you about ideas. Like no phone or email access until the kid is ready or a five minute timer when he opens email, etc.

Also, start getting the kids involved in the morning checklist for themselves ASAP even if it is just a picture schedule at this point. One of the best things that has happened is my neurotypical kid caught on early that she needed to keep things moving herself. She is extremely self sufficient and also helps remind her dad that crap needs to get done.
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