Reply to How to Tell Mother I Just Don't Want To Be Close

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How to Tell Mother I Just Don't Want To Be Close"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This would totally have been me except that I already had enough as a smothered teen and I escaped to grad school and then a subsequent life in the US. My parents live in Europe and that distance has been miraculous for our relationship. There have been times when we have clashed during a visit, but generally she can't do much damage in 2 weeks.

Your mother is mentally ill, OP. She is only partly responsible for her own actions. Just like my mother. So you must treat her as a mentally ill person: do not trust her, do not talk about anything deep, keep things pleasant and short and do not respond to any texts or messages except when you are ready to engage. I talk with my mother once a week every Sunday at 11am for an hour. I visit on average once a year for two weeks. I have trained her for 20 years to not expect more than that. It helps these people to know when to expect a phone call, Facetime or in-person visit.

You have to double down on your boundaries, and be ready to let all her tantrums run off you like water off a duck's back. If she chooses to go off in huff for weeks, GREAT. When she comes back, don't budge. Don't apologize. Just keep repeating: "I'll phone on Sunday at 11am" (or whatever works for you). Or "I'll see you at Christmas".

Like all conflicts, OP, this boils down to who has the most willpower. Be that person.

[/quote]

Me again. I don't think explaining anything will help. Such people are ill - they cannot see reason. You will only get bogged down in arguments, at which they are very skilled. So don't explain, don't defend. Just say "I'll see you at X day, Y time". [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics