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[quote=Anonymous]Sophomore DD has had and eating disorder, anxiety, depression, ADHD. Three years of treatment/therapy and counting.

She has a lifelong BFF who goes to a different school who was really there for her at the worse of all of this the first year. If anything, they became closer.

Now I have mixed feelings about their friendship. Friend seems to be going through a very difficult time. For over a year, she has texted DD throughout the day with a high % of the texts being negative: OMG I have a quiz next period. I'm going to fail. I hate it here. I want to go home. I'm going to KMS. OMG I got a 100. Go me. I hate the kids at my table. They are the worst. And on and on. There might be 100-200 texts during the school day. Many of them are the "I hate it here" type. Many are panicky about schoolwork. A sprinkling are bragging about the very high grades that she generally gets.

DD struggles with her grades. She missed a lot of school in the beginning of her eating disorder, and despite tutoring, it has been hard to catch up/fill the gaps. At times, she is literally failing a test or has an F in a class. Through very hard work, she sometimes raises it to a B. Meanwhile, friend panicked for days about getting one B on her 1st quarter report card. "My parents are going to kill me." DD pointed out it was just one B and it was just 1st quarter. Friend: that's one B too many. DD even talked with me about that one: Mom, I couldn't text back right away. I mean, read the room. I have an F, and I told her that like three texts up.

A few times friend has mentioned that she's gained too much weight and she needs to eat less. This is the closest I've gotten to reaching out to her mom, but I haven't.

I'm sure she's not actually trying to sabotage DD. It feels a little like she takes comfort in doing better than DD, though.

I know this information because I spot check DD's texts (which she knows, but forgets). I do it only because I'm watching for ED / other flare-ups. This information has sometimes informed medication adjustments, etc, because DD is a poor reporter. Also, DD's iPad dings ALL days while she's at school.

I really wish DD wasn't seeing a constant stream of negativity while she's in her classes. Although I'm close with the mom in some ways, she seems to be parenting differently during the teen years than I am (for example, the girl apparently did get in trouble for that one B). Mom necessarily focuses on a sibling with special needs and an elderly parent. I think she doesn't notice that friend doesn't have good connections at her own school and is spiraling in anxiety and negativity.

I'm honestly concerned for friend, but I'm much more concerned for DD. DD is extremely loyal, especially since friend was so supportive when she was in full time treatment. My own dynamic is shaky with DD, and I don't want to be the "hammer" that just takes away her phone or similar (I have to reserve that for when she refuses to eat...).

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