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[quote=Anonymous]The biggest tip I can give you is: DO NOT ENGAGE

What this means is don't take their bait. Assume that when they give you backhanded compliments, exclude you in a seemingly intentional way, or are passive aggressive, they are trying to bait you into reacting. Do not give them this satisfaction. Act as though you don't notice, don't take any of it personally (it's not really, anyway -- this is about them, not you), and always act polite but slightly distant.

This also means do not discuss them with other family members. If you need to vent about their behavior, find a friend who never socializes with your family (ever) and just consult her occasionally for a vent session. Do not vent to your husband about this. It's fine if he knows the SIL is not your cup of tea, but if you fully engage him on this issue you run the risk of him expressing his dislike of these women, and this will violate the no engagement rule. So try to keep your comments about these women neutral when possible.

The key is to neutralize their behavior. Bullies need victims. That's how they get their fix. It makes them feel good to see they behavior impacting others negatively. It's a power trip. So deprive them of this and they will likely move onto other targets. The other thing you accomplish in staying neutral and refusing to take the bait is that you retain the high ground in case they choose to escalate. If they decide to ramp up their behavior, spread rumors about you, or otherwise escalate, you want to always be able to say "I've never done or said anything negative about these women." As long as that is true, you will make it very hard for them to turn other members of the family against you should they attempt to do so. Their behavior will come off as especially catty and mean (which it is!).

Signed,
A person who didn't realize any of the above, totally took the mean girls' bait, wound up dropping to their level, and ruined my reputation with a that group of people as a result.

P.S. Seriously. Don't engage.[/quote]

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