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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Newly divorced and dating in my 40s. My ex was not my best friend or even someone I relied on for emotional support. I’m dating now and am trying to figure out what my goal for a relationship should be. Is it realistic to think my partner would feel like a best friend? (I have about five best female friends…I’m not looking for him to be my only best friend). If you are that comfortable with a partner, do they also inspire you? I guess I have always had this latent belief that the person you are with should be someone that you find inspiring or that you really admire. The thing is…I really admire my ex. He was brilliant and I’m so proud of how successful he was professionally. But, he was a terrible and unsupportive partner with whom I could discuss topics of interest, but never emotions. I’m dating someone now that I feel utterly comfortable with, who shares my sense of humor, who supports me in a way I have never been supported…but I don’t find him exceptionally inspirational. We laugh all the time, we can talk about anything, the sex is amazing, and I think he is adorable. [b]Should I be concerned that there is no sense of deep admiration for his intellect, his curiosity, or his drive?[/b] He is a person that makes me feel deeply happy and myself. I’m a confused person, clearly. Thoughts? What attributes have others in successful long term relationships found to be most important?[/quote]

Admiration can be cultivated.

My xH was admirable in regards to his intellect and drive. Very successful professionally, but like yours, a total dud emotionally.

Current H is also intelligent, but not nearly as driven or successful. But, I have found so many other things to admire, you just have to look for them. I make a conscious effort to notice all the little things, appreciate them, and let him know how much I admire those things about him. [/quote]

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