Reply to Why do so many of us have issues with our ILs?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it has to do with mismatched expectations. I think people get these ideas in their heads of what married life will be, or what it will mean when their kids marry and/or have kids. And those things rarely line up. Plus if course individual families have their idiosyncrasies and as an IL you get a front row seat most people don’t get.

For me personally, my ILs have somewhat misogynist ideas of how families work, and I want nothing to do with that. They get annoyed with me for stuff like failing to write thank you notes on my kids behalf for gifts (yes, my DH is a literate adult, but this is not expected of him), not sufficiently planning ways to entertain them when they visit, not being sufficiently supportive if my BIL (by helping him “set up” his apartment— yes this was a task my ILs randomly thought I’d take on for literally no other reason than that I’m a woman and ladies love decorating!). Obviously I hate this, and they hate that I’m so different than what they expected. I think, 10 years in, we’ve finally reached an ok place. But yes— lots of conflict over surprisingly different expectations of how are relationship should work.[/quote]

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