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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been there. She does already have an eating disorder. As someone who had an eating disorder, no direct conversation is going to help -- she's going to think you are trying to sabotage her progress, and will hate being talked at. My DH was actually the only one who got through to me, and he never once brought it up head on until after I was much better.  What he did was he appreciated that when I was completely nuts, it was probably because my body was starving itself. He would just decide we were going to go out to lunch/dinner whatever and have a meal, probably at a greasy spoon diner that we both liked. For some reason, when he suggested it it was fine. I'm not even sure why -- maybe because it was all non-verbal reassurance that if I did wind up gaining weight, it was okay by him, or also because after I had a good meal I was much more sensible.

It's a tough position, but understand that even if you mean well by many comments, she's going to hear them as attacks, and not concern. The last thing someone obsessed with these things needs is more scolding - they're already scolding themselves all the time and trying really hard not to fail.

I would also look to see what else is going on in your life.  I got very obsessive when multiple things were out of my control, and food was the one thing that I had absolute control over.  I couldn't fix x, y, z, but I could fix how many bites of things I ate or what ingredients were in them. [/quote]

As the PP who also had an ED, I agree with this. I think women who have an ED are often convinced that any fat on them is unacceptable.  Hearing from a partner that he genuinely loves and accepts any weight on you, and thinks your beautiful, and wants to see you enjoy a meal, means a lot.  Any time I would gain a little weight he was always thrilled and would really appreciate it and praise how i looked.  I know it probably sounds like youre basically having to entertain a toddler and be so gentle but when youre in that mental head space you're so vulnerable, you need that extra gentleness. i think positive reinforcement is the best strategy because anyone struggling with an ED probably has a constant negative feedback loop anyway so that will just add to it. I know it makes no sense but an ED is often a way to punish yourself for things you "did wrong" and a form of stress relief, so any negativity will just add fuel to the fire.  Praising how she looks, any fat on her body that she may have, (i.e. saying how beautiful her hips/butt/stomach is), or praising her for eating a good amount of food may help a lot to fix how she views herself.  It's a lot to deal with, and a long road, but I am so grateful to that ex for really shifting everything in my mind. I'm still grateful to him [/quote]

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