Reply to People who are really good at deflecting responsibility

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[quote=Anonymous]
Often this happens with people who have narcissistic traits or who aren’t terribly differentiated. They have trouble separating their emotional responses from others and aren’t able to regulate their own emotional responses. For the narcissists, it is partly a front in that underneath there’s often a narcissistic wound and a profound sense of insecurity and fear of abandonment. I’m not sure in your examples if those people have that other hidden shame which often creates a need for positive admiration. Likely it’s a byproduct of how they were raised. The serial cheater probably didn’t get his emotional needs met in childhood and doesn’t know how to form healthy relationships. It could be something similar for your gossiping friend. Keep in mind people typically adopt maladaptive coping strategies to ward off their anxiety. I agree their actions are shitty, but I also have empathy for the two people in your examples. Have you been to therapy OP? Just bc it will help you explore the way guilt was used as a weapon in your childhood and all sorts of internalized shame etc

[quote=Anonymous]I'm dealing with this in two close relationships now.  (Both grew up Catholic, so that goes against your hypothesis.)  One is my best friend, who apparently cannot apologize.  She wasn't there for me after my divorce, and when I tried to discuss my grievances in a neutral, dispassionate way, her response was, "So you're calling me a terrible person?"  Uh, no, but if that's your takeaway from these factual statements, then...?  And she hasn't spoken to me in the 4 months since.  [/quote][/quote]

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