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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This is a great point. I know you’re right answer I need to remind myself of this. What helped you to stop enabling your mom? I have to believe it was hard at first. I sometimes struggle w the line between ‘enabling’ and the normal give and take in relationships. Like I make doctor’s appointments for my spouse bc I know he won’t go otherwise. I don’t force him to go but say I made an appointment at x time cancel if you don’t want it. He always goes and is glad for it. Similarly he’ll take my car to get washed or detailed. Is this enabling or reciprocity?

[quote=Anonymous]As long as she is able minded, step back and don't enable. She can choose not to get help for the anxiety and you can chose not to reinforce it by doing things for her she can do herself. I say this as someone who enabled my mom for years. When I stepped back she went berserk and eventually got on anxiety meds-WORLD of difference.[/quote][/quote]

That's fine. You are your spouse help eachother with weaknesses. If he didn't go to the appointment and you had to have a huge fight each time that would be different.

The parent child relationship is different. Until your mom is cognitively disabled, you should not have to do what a spouse, friend or her own parent would do. You should not be her primary source of comfort. You can still be a parentified child as an adult. There is too much of a power differential there because she is still your MOTHER. It's not her place to need coddling and then I assume she plays the "mom card" now and then? My mom did and it was so creepy. She should look to her friends for that level of emotional support, or her equals in the family like cousins and siblings and to a therapist. It's like having to comfort your boss. It's a boundary violation if it goes too far. Sure you can develop somewhat of a friendship with a parent in adulthood, but you cannot become an emotional crutch.[/quote]

Forgot to answer...what helped me stop enabling my mom is my own health was suffering from dealing with all her neediness and irritability and I was not able to be the parent I wanted to be to my own children. I started to really resent her. Therapy helped me set the boundary and stop being overwhelmed with guilt for not making mommy happy.[/quote]

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