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[quote=Anonymous]I am the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/991591.page

So anyway, I did get into individual counseling but have only had a couple sessions— but it’s been very helpful. But this just happened last night and my next appointment isn’t for a week.

So we got to talking about his continued urgent desire to buy a much larger sailboat (it would cost about what a vacation house would cost) and some other goals he has. I said, “I understand that’s what you want. From my perspective, you were able to stop working five years ago at 51 and pursue your dream business, which I have always supported. But now I am in my early 50s and thinking about the future. I don’t want to work until I’m 70 supporting us when I’m already pretty burned out in my career.”

His response was: “wow. That’s the nastiest thing you ever said to me. You are throwing it back in my face that I stopped working, when you encouraged me all along.” He also added that for most of our relationship, he made more money than me. I said, “I know— but I’ve worked really hard the whole time we’ve known each other and now I’m bringing in 80% of our income. I just want a plan for the future.”

I was shocked he said it was nasty because I didn’t mean it in an unkind way at all. I was expressing my needs for the future.

I said, “I am not trying to be nasty and I still completely support what you are doing. But I think as an couple we need to decide together on a plan so that I can also enjoy freedom of pursuing my own passions someday. I’d prefer to put the money for this boat into retirement savings.”

That really made him mad. He said “the whole reason I’ve been building my business is so we can do what we want, like buying this boat.” And he said “I’m not going to be a slave to retirement savings.” He added that if the boat ever became too expensive, we could sell it or he could start making more money to pay for it.

I said, “I understand all that but I’m worried specifically that this boat is going to be a money pit and we don’t have a plan that will allow me to stop working when I want to.”

He said we can do both— buy the boat, save for my retirement. I’ve run the numbers and I’m not sure how. He’s so focused on the here and now.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night and just feel extremely sad today.[/quote]

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