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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Thanks PP, that sounds a lot like my mom. She also rejects help and I spend a fair amount of time reassuring her and then realize I feel anxious and on edge myself! I don't get anxious in the same way, so it's not a reciprocal thing where she also helps me with my stressors. I like your suggestion of not picking up the phone. I've been doing that a bit more lately.

[quote=Anonymous]It’s so hard, OP. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

I’m finally to the point where I will just allow her to do things herself and just vent to me — I give her a few minutes a week to vent. She refuses HELP, and I no longer try unless it’s a safety issue. It’s really, REALLY hard to leave it at the door, so to speak, but practice helps.

So now I fully anticipate that my mom will anxiously vent about an issue, but I also know she will refuse help, so all I can do is be an ear for her to complain to, only now it’s on my terms. If I don’t have the bandwidth, I don’t call or answer a call. If she’s mad, she’s mad. She doesn’t care when she makes things uncomfortable for ME, and so I’ve learned to put myself first. Now I know she will be upset, but she does get over it.

I hope that makes sense. Hugs, Op.[/quote][/quote]
I’ve literally gotten to the point where when I get off the phone, I take a few deep breaths and just leave it. It took quite a few times to get here. In the beginning, I’d make myself take breaths until the feeling was pushed back down. It’s not about me (or you). I’m not doing anything wrong (neither are you!) I can’t help her, all I can do is listen when I can listen. And then I leave it. [/quote]

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