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[quote=Anonymous]
Thanks PP, that sounds a lot like my mom. She also rejects help and I spend a fair amount of time reassuring her and then realize I feel anxious and on edge myself! I don't get anxious in the same way, so it's not a reciprocal thing where she also helps me with my stressors. I like your suggestion of not picking up the phone. I've been doing that a bit more lately.

[quote=Anonymous]It’s so hard, OP. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

I’m finally to the point where I will just allow her to do things herself and just vent to me — I give her a few minutes a week to vent. She refuses HELP, and I no longer try unless it’s a safety issue. It’s really, REALLY hard to leave it at the door, so to speak, but practice helps.

So now I fully anticipate that my mom will anxiously vent about an issue, but I also know she will refuse help, so all I can do is be an ear for her to complain to, only now it’s on my terms. If I don’t have the bandwidth, I don’t call or answer a call. If she’s mad, she’s mad. She doesn’t care when she makes things uncomfortable for ME, and so I’ve learned to put myself first. Now I know she will be upset, but she does get over it.

I hope that makes sense. Hugs, Op.[/quote][/quote]

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