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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
It sounds as if your BIL may have Asperger's tendencies.

I say this because my husband has Aspie tendencies, my neighbor too, and it's created very similar problems in both our marriages. The men don't have friends. They don't communicate well with anyone, including their wives, they tend to being controlling and angry to the point of being occasional abusive and they also hoard.

Seen in that context, your SIL could be the more reliable person, and is likely to be more of a friend than your BIL, who will never be a friend to anyone (he will just have people he talks to, like my husband talks to his brothers - his brothers know very well how annoying he can be and how far their relationship goes).

Of course, I could be completely wrong. 
[/quote]

You might be right. I have thought over the years that BIL might have Aspergers. I think at the very least he has executive functioning issues. But I don’t want my husband or myself or our kids to lose a relationship w him. And although I like my SIL if we have to choose we’ll definitely choose him, of course.[/quote]

That's just it. You don't need to choose. You won't go to jail for refusing to choose. I know that if I divorced, my MIL and BILs would continue to see me. We're a family (I chose my husband in part because I got along great with his family). You can continue to socialize with your SIL. You can continue to be on nodding terms with your BIL. If they divorce and he demands you stop seeing his ex-wife, I doubt he'd cut you off if you said: "she's a friend, we see her occasionally".

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