Reply to Issues accepting choices of former SIL and what to do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If her kids are younger than yours, how are they able to influence yours negatively? It would be better if you continued to see them (assuming they are not influencing yours negatively) so that you and your kids can be a positive influence to them. Put your ego and anger aside - I know it sucks that SIL didn’t follow your advice and path - for the sake of the kids.[/quote]

This is the hard part. It's not a negative influence per say but for ex. they might tell something that happened on the weekend (___ got SO MAD and then grabbed ____ and yelled and we were scared) and it is very familiar to my kids what that was like. Stories about hard spankings - this is difficult for my kids who were spanked abusively & out of blind rage. The alarming red flag behaviors are signs of trauma, anxiety, abuse that seem to remind my kids what they used to feel like or things they used to do that non-abused kids don't do. It seems hard for them (especially my oldest) to know these little kids are spending time with abusers and have relationships with the people that used to cause them terror.

Part of me does want to be there for the kids, they like us quite a lot and really like coming here. But then there's part of me that feels like I'm supporting the abuse by acting like it's just a normal part of things we talk about. The older the little kids get the more pronounced it becomes and it's hard for me too to see them go through it knowing the affect everything had on my own kids too. IDK just that recovery from all the trauma is hard and this connection seems it's gotten too close to home.[/quote]

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