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[quote=Anonymous]For a long time I didn't set boundaries in this way because I didn't understand I was allowed to. I definitely got railroaded by family members simply because I'd been raised to believe that's how our relationship worked and that it was my job to accept it.

Then I moved far away and figured out what was going on and for a time I relied on distance in lieu of better boundaries because it was easier.

Then I had a baby and that made it necessary to set boundaries again, more intentionally. I still rely on distance often to set them because it's non-confrontational. But I will also finally just tell someone that something doesn't work for me when I need to. But it took me a long time to get there and I still struggle with it. It's much easier for me to set boundaries with people outside my family of origin. But that early training is hard to overcome.

I will say that with my mom and sister, sometimes the best way to set a boundary is simply not to speak up. They both frequently try to engage me in family drama because they are trying to pull me onto "their side" or whatever. I sometimes just do not respond to emails or texts from them in these cases. I could respond with something like "I would like to stay out of it." But even that winds up being provocative. Sometimes the best way for me to set a boundary is simply to say nothing. "Grey rock" I guess, but in a selective way.[/quote]

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