Reply to What stops you from speaking up?

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[quote=Anonymous]In my family, it was just not okay to speak up. "Good" children were quiet and listened to their parents, didn't complain, followed the rules without question, etc. And my other parent kowtowed to the difficult parent to "go along to get along." So basically, the idea that my needs and feelings didn't matter was very much normalized - it never occurred to me that it would be okay to set boundaries. Couple that with the fact that we were all expected to take care of the difficult parent's feelings, that meant that we weren't suppose to do anything to upset this parent, to include stating what we needed. If we did anyway, we were stereotyped as the "bad child" that the entire family was mad at (because we set off the difficult parent, who then acted out making everybody's life difficult.)

It took a long time for me to let go of the idea of being close to my family. Now, I'm learning what "normal" boundary setting is, which is hard when I need to erase what I was trained for so many years to do (or in this case, not do). I'm really envious of people who can do this with ease.[/quote]

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