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[quote=Anonymous]Just solidarity, OP. I don't have the exact same situation but relate to so much about this. I am a low drama person who has built what I consider a nice life for myself, started my own family, and just generally want to enjoy life. I want to maintain family ties both because they do matter to me and because I want my child to have connections to my family she can continue to nurture into adulthood if she wants (the *if she wants* being key there). But at some point I think it's okay to accept that the main bond you have with a family member or members is that you are related, and you don't have to be best friends or focus your entire life around them. It doesn't mean you hate them or don't want them in your life.

My family has such a hard time with this and both my parents and some of my sibling are often pushing for very specific kinds of relationships. My DH and I have also been through this with his family, though it is less acute since his dad passed because his dad was much more fixated on this. Interestingly, his dad had an estranged brother that he didn't speak to for decades and that we only became aware of after the brother died several years back. I think in retrospect, my FILs obsession with my having his kids be close to each other was directly related to his own guilt and resentment over his estrangement from his brother.

But I think in the end, the reason estrangement happens is because people try too hard to make their family of origin their whole world. It can be very confining and I think sometimes people just can't take it and cut people off because of the unwillingness to negotiate comfortable boundaries.

Anyway, I don't know what the answer is to get your parents to stop. I have found that this kind of pressure just leads me to spend less time with my parents as well because so much of that time is spent trying to push me into situations I don't want to be in. I'm in my 40s. It's not going to happen. I wish they would accept this.[/quote]

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