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[quote=Anonymous]Same for me as OP and the 2nd responder, and I also found the emotionally immature parents book helpful.  For me, the key was setting boundaries with both my mom and my sister after one particularly notable outburst, and then sticking to them:  no, my sister can't come for a weekend visit;  no, we will not take a joint extended family vacation together;  no, we will not host Thanksgiving and invite my sister.  It took easily 2+ years for them to figure out that I really meant it, and there were quite a few painful phone calls where I had to explain this again and again to my mom...painful for me because she kept asking me why, and then appearing not to understand or internalize my response, so we had to have the same conversation over, and over, and over again.  I can't say that either of them have reached a point of acceptance, but they definitely understand that I'm not budging now so my mom has stopped asking.  OP, try this, and if you need help with setting boundaries and sticking to them, consider working with a therapist on this issue.  I did and it really helped me to stay firm.

At this point, my sister and I only speak when we have to be together, like a family wedding, and I try to minimize contact even for short periods of time, and we don't text or email.  It's not great, but otherwise the situation is intolerable for me and I'm no longer willing like PP to trade off making my life a living hell to avoid estrangement.  PP, no shade intended, I was where you are for many years and thought I could handle it indefinitely.  It took a long time before something just clicked in my mind, and I realized that the situation wasn't healthy for me and that I need to prioritize the well-being of myself and my family (DH and kids) rather than my family of origin.  Frankly I think this is healthier for my sister as well, whether she knows it or not, because being around me only sets off her competitiveness/jealousy cycle.  Good luck OP and PP -- stay firm.

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