Reply to Thanksgiving - do I continue to put out effort?

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[quote=Anonymous]I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible. I am the eldest sibling of three. I have two brothers 38 and 28 that still live at home with mom and are both true “failure to launchers”. My mother treats them like toddlers (they are both completely able minded and bodied) and asks nothing of them. They cant keep jobs, are emotionally detached and play video games all day. My parents divorced 20 years ago and dad is alive but lives in his own studio apartment - never remarried. I have DH and DD (5) and am 7 months pregnant. After living in NYC and getting the eff away and making a successful career we moved back to the suburbs and are now in a 45 min drive from all family. I have hosted Thanksgiving for the past 5 years (except for last year due to covid). Not once has anyone thanked me for cooking/hosting/brought over a bottle of wine/made any inquiries or interest or made any effort to acknowledge my attempt at a “family gathering”. DH is from England so his fam isn’t a factor.

Let’s add my close extended family that always attends. My aunt/uncle (mom’s brother) and their two adult DD’s always come. Both are married but only one has a child who is 7 with severe SN (non verbal autism). My DD is now old enough that she is frustrated when with her cousin because she doesn’t really “play” - she just runs around the house throwing her toys in the air and her parents ignore it.

Thanksgiving has always been a holiday I try and make happen so that we have a “family event”. But this year i’m exhausted. I’m pregnant, there is still covid and only my mother and aunt have even written me to congratulate me on my pregnancy (not even my brothers). Can I tell them all to go to hell? Do I politely use covid as an excuse (everyone is vaxed and my DD will have her first shot by then). If there were more kids (even kids of my brothers non existent girlfriends) I would soldier on but I feel like I get nothing out of this. We were going to plan a babymoon/vacation to get out of it but we’ve waited too long and the prices are sky high. And yes I tell my mother this and she just shrugs - she is completely emotionally unavailable on a good day and is too obsessed w her real estate career to really weigh in.

Yes I am aware of how dysfunctional this is. I just keep going back to actual Thanksgiving day and worried I’ll have guilt if my DD doesn’t have traditional family at the table BS.  Help:[/quote]

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