Reply to Loving Adopted/Stepchildren = Loving Biological children?

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Reply to "Loving Adopted/Stepchildren = Loving Biological children?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Depending on the circumstances I think having a stepchild and an adopted
Child are two different things. Sometimes with a stepchild maybe it makes a difference if the child's biological parent is still involved in the child's life, and if the stepchild lives with you only part of the time versus full time. If the child's
Biological parent is your partner's ex that may make a difference. This is just a generalization and certainly not true in every instance. But in general adopted children are chosen, even longed for, and usually fought for. Their adoptive parents are their only parents (really even in the case of open adoption). I have adopted children in my family and I don't see them or love them any differently than the biological children in my family. I admit I don't have any experience with stepchildren. [/quote]

I'm17:05 and I agree with this 100%.  A step-child is one that your spouse created with someone else; you, as the step-parent, had nothing to do with that.  While an adopted child isn't always biologically related to either parent, they were always (hopefully) brought into your family lovingly and together by both parents.  I know when we adopted our child, we certainly put way more time, effort, and thought into that process. With our bio child, all we did was have sex and we didn't even know when he was conceived (he was a surprise).  While he was conceived out of love, there certainly was no thought process involved.

Unlike the PP, I don't feel a more primal love for my bio child.  Not saying that she or he is wrong to feel like that, but just to let you know that not every adoptive parent shares that feeling.  I do think another PP had it right in that while you love your children equally, you love them differently, depending on the stage and phase they're in.  When my son was born, I didn't really feel all that bonded with him and neither did my husband or my family. I had to remind them to include him (as much as you can include a newborn)- everyone was all over the adoptee.  I might look at my son and intellectually know that he came out of me, but I don't feel any differently about that situation than when I think about my daughter coming out of another woman.  But all this might be because, as I mentioned earlier, my sister and I were adopted so adoption has always been a part of my life.[/quote]

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