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[quote=Anonymous]NP here. My own mother would do this crap.  Say awful and humiliating things about me at family gatherings (including my wedding), then brush it off as just good fun and I’m being too sensitive.  When she tried to gaslight about actual physical abuse she’d perpetrated on me as a child, it was the last straw.  I haven’t spoken with her in a few years. My siblings don’t understand it and think I’m being stubborn or selfish, when really I don’t want to be around a manipulative abuser who delights in making me look foolish in front of my family (including now my own children). No thank you.

OP, you have to evaluate what YOU need, reasonably, out of this situation. It doesn’t sound like you are trying to “win” so much as you are trying to establish boundaries with toxic people who for some reason are a part of your life.  Ask yourself: does this person, and the extended group need to be a part of my life?  If no, then don’t spend time with them.  If yes, establish appropriate boundaries.  For example, if you have an obligation to attend the family holiday party and this person will be there, practice gray rock greetings, responses and your poker face.  The key is to tread very shallowly with such people and never give them the pleasure of an emotional reaction. Godspeed to you.  [/quote]

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