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[quote=Anonymous]Several years ago this loved one did something really hurtful to me (made fun of me about a subject I was quite sensitive about at the time, in front of others, in a way that was really unnecessary and cruel). I explained that it was hurtful and why. They did not apologize but said we should move forward. I said I needed an apology to move forward because I felt trust had been broken. They said they had “just been making a joke” and refused to apologize. So I didn’t forgive them.

It has now been years and we are estranged. It is awkward for others and has led to other schisms. But now their lives is that I’m “too sensitive” and demand apologies for “everything”. But I’ve never asked for an apology for anything other than this one thing, and I feel like I have a right! I just honestly needed an apology to feel like this was a person I’d feel comfortable being around again. I don’t normally demand apologies from people, in fact I can’t think of any other situation where I have gone do — this just felt like a bridge too far because it was public and embarrassing for me.

But now of course the attitude is that we are both at fault and are both being stubborn, and we should both “let it go”. But I’m really the only one who would be letting anything go— the only thing I “did” to this person is ask for sn apology and refuse to forget about what they did. That doesn’t really feel like an act of malice to me.

At this point I’m probably more angry with them for refusing to apologize than the original offense, just because it’s gone on so long and feels like some game they are playing to win the conflict, whereas the original thing was more them being dumb and hurtful in the moment.

I know to keep peace I should probably just say “ok, let’s forget about it.” But I know if I do that, I won’t forget. Everyone else will be happy to move on, but I’ll always remember we that this person did this gross thing, refused to apologize or make amends in any way, and then somehow I became the bad guy for being hurt by this. I feel like this has poisoned my reputation in this group of people and other than magically not caring when publicly insulted and laughed at, I’m not sure what I could have done to prevent it.

Just needed to vent.[/quote]

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