Reply to Leaving. Advice for how to minimize impact on college aged kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“Kids, I want you to know that your father and I are planning to divorce, but I don’t want you to worry about either of us. We want you two to know that we will always love you, and we will do our best to minimize the impact. You probably know that Dad isn’t always to live with. We feel we will both be happier if we live apart.” Blah blah blah

Try to keep it amicable. Sell it to your stbxh as his ticket to happiness. And, prioritize continued coparenting to make things easy for your kids. Celebrate birthdays, graduations, holidays, etc. together. Be kind. [/quote]

How do you coparent adults? [/quote]

You make clear to them that their parents will remain a friendly team committed to supporting them jointly. You won’t turn into enemies who can’t be in the same room. I went to a wedding where the bride’s parents were literally separated in two different rooms because they couldn’t be together. No shared holidays, events, etc. Their bitterness and bad behavior has negatively impacted her life for decades.

Do you want your college student to have separate updates with each parent about college graduation and grad school plans? Separate thanksgiving? Two christmases? [/quote]

Do you expect your adult age children to want a joint Christmas or thanksgiving with their divorced parents?  That’s not a thing.
[/quote]

What the parent in this situation should do is accept that they'll be seeing their children for every *other* Thanksgiving.  And after the children marry, maybe one Thanksgiving every three or four years, or not at all, or you travel to them, or do a different weekend.

OP, really think it through, do you want to give up time with your kids (and grandkids)?  If it's worth it to you, fine.  But you gotta go into this with eyes wide open.  If your children's father wants to see them on holidays, and if they marry someone who also has divorced parents, that's four households to visit.  And a lot of ACOD with young kids of their own just throw up their hands and stay home.  You will not be having the family life, long-term, that you would as a married person.  [/quote]

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